I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
