Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
