so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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