If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
