Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
