So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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