So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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