forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
