I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I intend to get homeless drunk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
