1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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