I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
