is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you would pick up someone in the library
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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