apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
