In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
