hotel room ftw
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
