I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
