Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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