New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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