I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
