and you said cock pushups were impossible
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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