True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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