I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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