matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
