WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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