i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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