Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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