There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need to calm my uterus...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
