so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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