dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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