Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
