toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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