The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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