I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
