I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
