i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
