Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
