Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
