Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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