I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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