I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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