i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
