i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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