Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
