Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
