dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
