did you get engaged???
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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