Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
