i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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