Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
