No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
