Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
