i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
