That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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