there was a trapeze. enough said
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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