Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
