you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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