ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
