weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
