I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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