found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
