yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
