the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
