I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize